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Christmas is ...blah   
09:33pm 10/12/2004
 
mood: content
I hate holidays. I hate christmas. I hate being sick. I hate when I have to walk through snow or yucky slushy stuff on the ground and get my pants soaked and I hate hearing 8 fucking versions of "rockin' around the christmas tree" in the car. I hate mushy sentimental advertisments and I hate being told I should donate to this or that charity in the "spirit" of the holiday... what the fuck??? spirit of the holiday...bullshit...there is no christmas spirit...unless of course you concider "I want this...and I want that" to be a spirit...blah...call me any sort of anti holiday nickname you want to take from a book or movie...you know a grinch or a scrooge. I would rather be a lonely green monster living in a garbage filled mountain or a greedy old skitzo who thinks he sees ghosts and has nightmares because he's so fucking cheap he can't pay his employees enough to geed their gimp kids than some fucking cheery christmas elf pumping I love you's up santas ass...fuck the holidays...the end.
 
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first update in a while...a personalized entry...hi jasmine...   
08:34pm 08/11/2004
 
mood: gloomy
Its been so long, not like it really matters. I know the only person who reads this is Jasmine so I might as well make it all like Hey Jasmine. Whats up? Not much with me. I'm talking to you on msn. I feel sad. I need a hug. I have grumpy bear with me. We have to do the rock lobster with pimp greg thingie cause that would just be the hottest!!!! I think the whole one monthness with Jesse is on my birthday...maybe the day after. Matty Is making a big deal about it. He seems to think its an important event. Meh...Birthday in 8 days... yay for sponge bob movie. SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOONNNNNNGEEEEEEEE BOB SQUARE PANTS........ I love the sponge...so hot....hot like mashed potatoes...hehe...So much space...not enough life to fill up the box...see you at school tommorow....*cough* wear the gold shirt *cough*
 
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I don't get what they mean.   
04:47pm 06/10/2004
 
mood: depressed
When people say words that make no sense. I hate it. I hate it when people fight.
I hate it when people tell me what I need to do to make myself a better person.
I hate it when people yell at me for bullshit that I don't want to deal with and force me to do something then expect me to clean up their mess. Fuck that. I would rather die.
I hate it when people try and make me what they want me to be. I hate you.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You know who you are. I hate you.
 
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If I gave you pretty enough words could you paint a picture of us that works?   
08:44pm 03/10/2004
 
mood: restless
I went to visit my brother at Waterloo university yesterday. Fun trip. Bought more hair dye. Got my eyebrows done...the lady butchered them and I look horrible now! I met a really nice guy at a pet store and that was cool. Jasmine sent me a link to Gwen Stefani's solo single and its pretty awesome I must say. (No one will ever out gwen you) I went out today and stole corn from a field with my mom. It was semi fun but then when I got home my sister had been going through my stuff...thats not fun at all. I like water. Water is good. Ive been drinking a lot of water lately and my eye has been a bit twitchy. Twitchy isn't fun. Squirrels are creepy. Creepy creepy squirrels.
 
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Paint smells a little funny and kind of gross   
07:52pm 28/09/2004
 
mood: gloomy
My dad has been painting my living room at it smells like blah. Its giving me a super headache because I am so incredibly sick. Despite my sickness I went driving today, my dad has to take me out because I've only got a G1/permit thing. Today was the most horrible day for me and carness...I hit a bunny. It made me so sad. I had to pull over the car and cry. People kept stopping to ask if I was ok because they had no idea what was going on, I guess they figured the car was broke down or something but when I replied "I hit a bunny" each time they just drove away laughing. Ohh well, I sooo owe bunnies now. I will make it up to every single other bunny in the entire universe for me just hitting the one and I promise to never do it again. *tear* Tommorow I might be in Beeton to hang out with my buddy Adam, depending on how nice my parents are feeling. I also happen to like a boy who lives in Beeton. He is two years older than me but is very nice and quite hot. I see him a lot but haven't talked to him much lately. I would like to try and maybe go out with him but I doubt it will happen. I'm a bit afraid of relationships because of all the stupid shit thats been happening between my mom and dad...and my having to tell my dad about my mom. My mom has been totally psycho latley. Going through all my stuff and watching everything I do...I see her all the time trying to see who I am talking to on msn, she reads my conversations and even calls people who have called me just to see who they are. I don't know how to deal with her, I have no privacy. She needs to get a live and stay out of mine.
 
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September has been...   
07:01pm 22/09/2004
 
mood: angry
This month has had its ups and downs so far. Banting is an amazing school. I have never really enjoyed going to school, but since starting there its been different. Everyone is so nice and I am very happy there. I have a 5th period spare so that helps me get my homework done so I have nights free to hang out with my friends and look for a job. I can't find a job anywhere. On my spare I also met a very nice boy that I happen to like a lot. Things at school have been so great that I actually hate the thought of going home. Home is where the hate is. My mom has been prying into every aspect of my private life and well...I don't have one anymore. She has been checking up on who calls me, who I call...reading msn conversations and going through my room on a regular basis. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs and I don't lie to my parents yet they treat me like I am the worst kid in the world. They should be happy with me, I could be so much worse than I am but I'm not.GRRRRRRRRRRR is all i have to say.
 
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We played 80's   
12:44am 03/09/2004
 
mood: happy
Today was a very awesome day. I got to sleep in a little then rushed to tidy up before Jasmine came over. We bleached her hair and did the toner and such. So awesome. After that we got all dressed up 80's style and wandered to Cassie's house, Kat came over too and it was so much fun. We had a lovely dinner at Cassie's and then sat around for a little while talking and it was great. I haven't been out of my house in forever so it was definatley extra fun for me. Tommorow....well actually today...just much later in the day I have to finish cleaning my room so I can get bleach for my hair and get it all ready to be dyed pink. I am so excited about the pinkness but I hate hate hate the cleaning. Oh well...anything for pink hair. I had a really good conversation with my brother today. We talked about a lot of stuff I had no idea I could talk to him about. I think I will miss him more than I expected when he leaves for university. I am happy he is here, he stands up for me to my mom and my sister. *sigh* she needs to stop thinking she runs my life! I've decided today to apply for a job at a few places, the local IGA and a health food store as well. I hope I get one job because I want to get my lip periced or maybe even as Jasmine suggested to be get a "monroe" peircing. I really want my lip done in the center.
 
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I love sweaters.   
03:04pm 01/09/2004
 
mood: cheerful
Sweaters are warm and fuzzy. They keep away the cold and they keep me nice and comfy. I bought a black hooded sweater and its my favourite. I like it lots. Today I met up at Dairy Queen with Jasmine. Had me some fries. Yay for fries. Tommorow I get to finish with making her blonde and it will be such fun. Matty (my "twin") and I have been whiteboarding on msn like mad. I drew satan living in a garden, playing with a doll. Man do I love sweaters. Yay for sweaters.
 
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today the water tasted like blood.   
11:35am 31/08/2004
 
mood: hungry
Maybe I just cut my mouth, but the water tasted like blood. It was disgusting. Like what I immagine drinking death would be like. I don't like death...well I do, but I don't want to drink it. Especially when it tastes like blood and for some god damn unknown reason is in my water. I'm watching the price is right. I used to think Bob Barker was my grandfather. I was wrong. He never wrote back to any of my letters. I always sent them to the ticket adress though. Maybe I should have tried a fan club or something. Bob's Beauties are whores. They suck. They should die. Maybe they're what is in my water. Thats exactly it. I'm drinking tv whores....
 
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Your such a delicate boy in the hysterical realm....   
11:51am 30/08/2004
 
mood: cranky
I love things like kittens and horses and music and lawn gnomes. Lawn gnomes are the best. Some people call them Garden Gnomes....what the hell is up with that. I mean yes they sit in gardens for the most part...but thats not all they do. For those of you who choose to call them garden gnomes I say FUCK OFF... I am their Queen. I rule my gnomey people and we did not work so incredibly hard for the title of LAWN GNOMES only to be reduced to being called garden gnomes. God damn it. We can go on any part of any one's lawn...we need not be limited to the garden.
 
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I don't know   
08:15pm 18/08/2004
 
mood: happy
Last night I went to Jasmine's house. We had a wonderful time. I did her makeup and hair and then she got dressed up and took some pictures. Now I'm home and as usual my house is pretty boring.
My sister is locked away in her room, my brother is out with his friends, mom's at work and dad of course is watching tv. Me...I live at the computer. I sit with my precious dog Lily and listen to music and talk to people on msn. Not much of a life but it works for me. This weekend, saturday to be exact im going down Toronto to go shopping. YAY! I finally get to buy normal clothes for back to school shopping, instead of uniform stuff. For three years I went to a uniform school and finally for my last year I get freedom. My school was quite strict with the uniform and I'm happy to be leaving. Of course the first thing im doing.....GETTING PINK HAIR, yes thats right. Pink Hair. I've wanted pink hair since 7th grade. Now that I am in 12th my mom really can't control what I do anymore! I will be doing the top layer of my hair in Special Effects Virgin Rose and the rest Special Effects Cupcake pink. I hope it turns out alright....don't see why it wouldn't.
 
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My life as of today   
01:06pm 15/08/2004
 
mood: drained
Today, as my father sits on a broken down green crushed velvet couch from the 70's waiting for my brother to wake up so they can head out to the city for as baseball game, my mother and sister sand a deep eggplant purple paint from the walls of our living room/dining room. Everyone seems happy, like a story book family. Sure the furniture is outdated, but thats alright. Its not about the appearance of some ruddy couch my father refuses to throw away. Its the appearance of the people inside the tacky red brick and yellowish green siding two story suburban home which was built, of course in the 70's. The people inside the house, each very different, each pretending that they are unaware of the family's about-to-break secret. My mother, Lois. A short pretty, cheery woman for the most part. Like me she is bored easily, she takes advantage of our lack of knowledge of her work schedule to cheat on my father. She is 48, since December the once overly bubbly and far too loving mother has become weepy, always angry, secretive and a compulsive liar. She'd never tell my father. Oh my father, what to say about him. A 50 yearold chain smoker, a tall thin and frail man, deeply tanned, with jet black hair and bright blue eyes...well they used to be bright blue. The colour has slowly faded, much like any body fat he once had. Hes just bones, drunk, decaying bones. A depressed man, he spends all his time at work or in the basement, trying to finish it, but always tearing things down and starting again. He loves his wife more than life its self. He would kill himself if she ever left. *sigh* The eldest sister, Abbey. An uptight, whiney, and completley un trust worthy person. She is in college, works a part time job. She's obsessed with perfection, a neat freak and well having me live the exact same life she did. Thanks to her I am not allowed to breathe. My brother, a fun quirky 19 yearold clutz. In two weeks he leaves for university. A bachelor of arts in...the undecided. I will miss him, he and I had some sort of messed up understanding. Finally me. A 16 yearold girl, who believes strongly in the beauty of everything. Was once very niave, I no longer believe in love or relationships and trust very few people. I'm hard to make friends with, though I can be nice to people and joke around, to become my friend, a true friend is almost impossible though few have managed. I don't want to like a boy but I do. Boys have done nothing but bad things to me, but that I can get into later.
What am I doing today? NOTHING, I'm not allowed out of my house. I've spent the entire summer in my house. Oh yes, such fun *watches olympics* I hate sports...why the hell am I watching the olympics.
This is it for now....enjoy!
 
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Overdosed on Apathy.   
04:35pm 01/08/2004
  I don't like complaining. I don't like having to tell people my problems, I like to listen more than share. I guess thats what this is all about though. People are messed up. Everyone seems to want life to be more interesting, more confusing and more painful. Friends lie, stab you in the back and ditch you for people who treat them like shit. Parent's... what to say about parents. They think they know whats best, all they know is whats best for them or suits their needs at the time. I know they love me but I can't love them. Mom is whore. I could call her a few other things...slut, liar, cheater,bitch...all the same in the end. Dad can be desribed in one word D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D. He knows too much about mom's "secret life". I don't care anymore. I can't, I don't want to be bothered with it. I care about my friends, you know who you are and if you can't decided if I care about you or not then your obviously not my friend, don't even worry about it. Everyone else FUCK YOU, you get no sympathy...you get nothing....other than that its been quite a nice day!  
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Monday...afternoon...   
03:27pm 31/07/2004
  Well this is the first time this summer I have woken up before lunch time on my own. Usually my sister is so busy blaring her retarded Irish boy band music that it wakes me up but I manage to drown out the torture by placing my pillow over my head and sleeping until 2 in the afternoon. I've spent my morning on msn, talking to people and trying to make plans to get myself out of this boring house! My sister is an obsessive compulsive neat freak and has gone on a cleaning spree so the house reeks of bleach and disinfectant and its giving me headaches...YAY!!! while she was cleaning I was on the phone with Jasmine, but now I'm talking to her over msn and looking at guitar tabs to the song Cherry Lips by Garbage. Tonight, if I didn't completley scare him away I will probably do something with Tyson. He's nice and everything but always tries to make me act the way he wants me to, and he treats me like we're in some sort of relationship which we aren't. Another thing that annoys me is he is constantly asking for sex, it seems to be the only thing on his mind. The only way he thinks you can Have fun is by getting naked, its dumb I know. Today I started thinking of the last day of exams, Kathrine and Jasmine came to my house and we sat outside calling people and playing guitar and such. We called Eli and I asked him to jam with me on the roof of the dairy queen across from my house and left quite a creepy stalkerish message on his answering machine...just for you Jasmine. We also called an incredibly annoying boy named Derek Hogg and asked him to start a christian rock band with us which ended up with us writing a song something along the lines of "God is cool, god his hot. He's my dad but I like him a lot. God is Fun, god is sexy. I sleep with God in my lace teddy"...don't remember much from after that.Well thats all for today...  
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First Post   
09:10pm 30/07/2004
  This is my first post and well I guess I'm supposed to let everyone know whats going on in my life right now and such. I live in a small boring town where there isn't much of anything to do at all. My good friends Jasmine, Kat, Mark and I are trying to start a band which should make the summer much less boring. My other friends recently all ditched me and well thats something I would rather not get into, they are jerks and I don't need them because I have much better friends, like the ones I mentioned before. Family situation isn't the greatest. Since december my mother has been cheating on my dad with, well another man and he finally just found out. They would like to divorce but won't for the sake of children who always end up in the middle of their fights. My older sister(21) is an unemployed college student who does nothing but spend her days complaining to me and my brother (19) is leaving for University in the fall, I will miss him very much, because well he is entertaining....Thats pretty much my life right now...I am listening to atreyu at the moment, ahh such a good band the song is lipgloss and black which will be followed by A static lullaby. Well thats it for now...I will try to be more interesting in the future!
~Allysha
 
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